Estell-o-grams

For those of you who have had the pleasure of meeting and interacting with Estelle, you know first hand that her wit, as far as we can all tell, is not intentional. With an ample styling of grace, she simply says and does what she wants to while somehow thinking of others while doing it. This type of living drove Kate Chopin's protagonist into the sea never to return. No wonder Estelle hates being enclosed by water. Yet, she is gracious in her life full of charity, industry and the pampering of self with weekly hair appointments and the comfort of St. John knits.

Over the past week or so, I have compiled a few things that she has uttered. These sayings, to her, are heartfelt. To the rest of us much laughter has erupted as we have stopped and given pause to her wisdom.

Life has a way of providing much insight, even if it arrives unexpectedly from a petite woman clad in layers of cashmere and digging frantically in her Gucci pocketbook.

It takes more than a shot to raise a child or ground a drunk. Upon hearing about Bill Gates' plan to vaccinate all the children of the world, Estelle had a good, old-fashioned hissy fit and uttered her sentiment. Although she is an advocate of eradicating disease, she is even more of an advocate of, as she would say, Home Training. A shot, in Estelle's mind, does not guarantee a good life.

No manners is worse than no money. The antidote to this, of course, is good Home Training. With the advent of too-readily available mobile devices, wearing sweat pants in the grocery store, and informally replying with "yep" or "nope," Estelle utters this phrase often. The other day while checking out at the boutique grocery store, the cashier answered Estelle's greeting about the sunny afternoon with "yep, I guess so." In a quick minute, Estelle placed her pocketbook down and said, "Now, now Ms. Lady. When someone is friendly with you, regardless if it be a customer or a stranger, it is in everyone's best interest that you show some respect and be cordial. Let's try this again. It sure is a nice day outside, isn't it?" The stunned cashier uttered, "Yes ma'am. Yes ma'am, it is really pretty." Hence ended the lesson.

She's an Indian nickel trying to be the British pound. I will not defend Estelle's use of non-politically correct language. I will say her statement was not in direct reference to Native Americans, but, in reference to a rather loud woman carrying an obvious Louis Vuitton knock-off handbag. The shopper was making a rather raucous scene about her declined credit card. This, of course, violates one of Estelle's mantras: pay with Cash Money. Thus, seeing obviously dyed and bleached hair, a stab at pretension with a faux handbag, and the public playing out of the economic crisis did not sit well at all. Her frustration and commentary, although silent, read on her facial expression like the clearly definable images from the drive-in movie that can be seen all the way from I-85. Was it right for her to reinforce British Imperialism or lessen the plight of the Native American? No. Did it make a point in outright humor? Trust me, it did.

If it's a snake, don't call it a bunny. Estelle calls it as it is and encourages everyone around her to do the same. Saying these words always serves as a prelude to a perceived universal truth to follow: "Those shoes are ugly;" "She's put on her weight again;" "Lord, he's a drunk." This may sound biting but she always says it with a rather slow and thoughtful drawl and it reminds me that people show their true nature and it is our responsibility to believe and accept it.

These phrases and many more live with me in all aspects of my life: business meetings, grocery shopping or driving around an again-flooded Banner Farm Rd. Lay aside their regional humor and find clear guidance and solid advice. At first you may feel uneasy adopting these axioms, but, trust me, they work. So, the next time you find yourself with cash money, trying on something daring in the dressing room of Neiman Marcus, ask yourself, "Does this make me look like a two-dollar whore in a ten-dollar church?"